Most weeks, I call my father several times. The calls aren't usually about anything important. We just chat for a few minutes and catch up. I have an eight minute drive from my church office to my house, and through the years, many of those calls have taken place on that drive.
At some point while we're talking, he usually asks me how my children are doing, then he celebrates their successes or joins me in my concerns for whatever issues are taking place at present.
Raising children changes a person. You see life differently when you become responsible for the lives of other people. Recently, my father said, "It took me a while to grow up, but there were two experiences in my life that really helped me mature. The first was joining the Navy and the next was having children."
One of the most difficult, yet rewarding things many of us will ever do is raise children, but that's only part of what takes place in our households during the course of any given week. There are three other relationships that are directly impacting the culture of our homes; our relationship with our spouse, our relationships at work, and our relationship with the Lord.
I'm convinced that the greatest ministry the Lord entrusts to most people is their ministry to their family. So what does it look like when we step back and observe the full picture of every relationship and circumstance that may be impacting the culture of our home?
Colossians 3:18-4:1 gives us a great picture of what it looks like to be a blessing to our families and others who interact with us on a daily basis. Paul wrote Colossians around the same time he wrote Ephesians, and there's a lot of similarity between this passage and what we read in Ephesians chapters 5 and 6. If we put the counsel of these passages into practice, I'm convinced we'll be glad we did.
I. Protect the culture of your home
““Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.” ”
I recently read a quote by the great evangelist D.L. Moody that really resonated with me. Moody is quoted as saying, "If a man doesn't treat his wife right, I don't want to hear him talk about Christianity." I love that quote, and I couldn't agree more. In many ways, I'm convinced that the authenticity of my faith is going to be demonstrated by how I treat my wife.
Something I have thought a lot about in recent years is the capacity I have to impact my wife's quality of life. Andrea and I started dating when we were teenagers. We didn't feel young at the time, but it has been fun to grow up together, and I feel a strong sense of responsibility for how her life goes. Her parents took very good care of her when she was being raised, and when they gave me their blessing to marry her, they were entrusting their daughter and what the next chapters of her life would look like to me.
Andrea and I take the Bible at its word. We don't try to explain away the hard passages or try to soften the sting of passages that might challenge our present day sensibilities. So when a passage like this says, "Andrea, submit to John's leadership in your home," she's willing to honor what it says, particularly because she knows what it actually means. It doesn't mean being treated like a door mat to be walked all over. It means to support a loving leader who desires to serve you. Andrea knows that I'm taking my role in this passage seriously.
Through Paul words, the Holy Spirit is telling me not to be harsh with my wife. I'm told to love her with the sacrificial love of Jesus. Andrea has seen that I really mean that. We've been together long enough that she knows this passage isn't something I take lightly. I have been tested, and she's willing to trust me. I'm grateful to be able to say that even before I was tested over the course of several decades, she gave me the benefit of the doubt because she knew my trust in Jesus, and my desire to lead (not boss) like He leads was genuine.
As believers in Christ, we should protect the culture of our homes and live with the desire to place the needs of someone else over our own. We should honor our spouses and treat them like a gift from God because that's exactly what they are, and He has entrusted many aspects of their quality of life over to us. Wives, please make your husbands' lives great. Husbands, please make sure your wife is able to say, every day, just how glad she is to have married you.
As Jesus has sacrificially graced us with His love, love and sacrifice for one another as well. There are sacrifices I have made for Andrea's well-being or to simply honor her preferences that she thanks me for regularly, even though some of those sacrifices were made many years ago. And I have frequently thanked her, including just the other day, for never stomping on or discouraging my dreams. I joke with her that she's "an enabler" in the sense that every major project or step of faith I have taken as an adult, she has supported. There are always people in my life who harshly critique me and use their words as a weapon against me, but she's never one of them. As a result, we both win and so does our marriage.
II. Inspire your children to thrive
““Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” ”
As an adult, have you ever thought back to your childhood and wished you would have done a few things differently? Can you remember a time when you ignored your parents' counsel and paid a painful price for doing so? Did you ever give them attitude when they were trying to guide your young life? Did you ever speak to them in a disrespectful way and you wish you could take those words back?
Because we are born with a sin nature, this is something we all struggle with. You struggled with it. Your parents struggled with it as well, and your children are struggling with it now. We all have a habit of thinking we know everything until our brains finish developing and our faith finally matures. So if you're a child, take this counsel and obey your parents in everything. God gave your parents to you. They are responsible to Him for your life, and He is greatly pleased when you're willing to obey the parents He allowed you to be born to.
And when you become a parent, help your children thrive. I was recently asked by a father of three young children, "What advice would you give to me as a young father." The best advice I could give him or anyone else is to make sure your children see a strong representation of Christ in the way you love them, instruct them, discipline them, and inspire them.
As a father, there's nothing I want to see more than my children having a strong relationship with Jesus and a life that thrives as a result. If everything I have ever built or dedicated myself to crumbles, but that one thing survives, I'll go to my grave a happy man.
But instead of inspiring children, it can be easy to provoke and discourage them. And we may not realize we're doing that in the moment. Sometimes it takes a long time to realize it because we grow tired and lack patience. So I would encourage each of us to offer them our loving guidance while at the same time remaining careful not to crush their spirit.
Remain patient with your children, just as God has remained patient with us. There are some lessons that God has been attempting to teach us that have taken us a very long time to grasp. Some we're just scratching the surface of understanding, and yet He continues to work in our hearts, continues to point us in the right direction, and doesn't crush our spirit in the process. Over time, He is graciously teaching us to see things the way He sees things, and for most of us, it takes more than a lifetime to learn those lessons.
If the Lord entrusts you with children, or if He ever places you in a position of leadership where you have influence over children, let the example of your life, your demeanor, and your words be something they can point to decades from now as one of the greatest influences that helped them understand more about the nature, heart, and life of Christ.
III. Improve the culture of your workplace
““Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,” ”
There are 24 hours in a day. The average person sleeps for 8 hours and is awake for 16 hours. And for most people, at least half of those waking hours will be spent at work. That's a significant chunk of our lives. When you consider that half of your usable hours will be spent in your occupation, and time is a commodity that you have a very fixed amount of, it really puts the use of that time into greater perspective.
Do you enjoy the work you do? Would you recommend your workplace to someone else? If you own or manage a business, do people enjoy working with and for you?
For five years, I directed a camp and conference center. It was the same camp I worked at as a teenager, and I can remember seasons in the past when it was very difficult for the camp to find staff to work in the summer. During my years of leadership, one of the ways I assessed the health of the work culture was whether or not I had enough applicants to fill every position on our staff. When we eventually had to create a waiting list because more people applied than we had available positions, I took that as a positive sign that a healthy work culture had been created.
In the era in which Paul wrote Colossians, a large percentage of the Roman population were bondservants who were legally obligated to work for earthly masters. Paul counseled these bondservants to demonstrate Christlikeness and integrity in their labor, even when their earthly masters weren't keeping an eye on them. We would do well to heed that counsel in our places of work as well.
Paul also challenged those in leadership to treat those who served them and worked for them in a Christlike manner, knowing that they would answer to God for how they treated them. That's a great reminder for us all. If you lead, you'll answer to God. If you serve, you'll answer to God. Demonstrate Spirit-empowered integrity in whichever role you're in. Your present role is only temporary, but the legacy of godliness you're will ripple into eternity.
IV. Keep your eyes on the prize
““knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.
Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.””
As Paul finishes this thought, he does so by pointing our hearts heavenward. Amazingly, Scripture reveals to us in multiple places that the Lord sees the work we're doing in His name, and He has an inheritance in Heaven that is waiting for us. All believers in Jesus Christ will be present in Heaven, but the nature of our inheritance there will differ in some way, and that difference will be directly connected to our faithfulness to Jesus at present.
With that in mind, remember the ministry the Lord has entrusted to you. Bless your spouse. Inspire your children. Bring Jesus into the culture of your workplace, and remember that as you serve others, you're really serving Jesus. Keep your eyes on the prize, and keep your heart in tune with the heart of Christ.
© John Stange, 2022
